As I deepen my spiritual practice through meditation, I find myself less pure about it. At times I'm struck by a deep guilt about the pride I take in my practice.
I can't say that the pride I feel is not so much when I'm actually doing meditation or asana. It comes about when I am with others in worship. As I sit in our Sunday morning worship service, I find myself casting judgments on those around me. I question their motives for sharing their joys and concerns during the congregational prayer times. As they mention their concerns out loud, I find myself doubting their sincerity...assuming that they are just speaking out loud to let others know that they are "in the know" about something. Or that they are just wanting attention.
I fully realize that this is probably not the case most of the time. But I find myself sitting there smugly, thinking about how I take my own concerns to God in private. "In my closet," so to speak. My husband and I rarely bring our private concerns to the congregation.
I know that this is not an attractive thing to do. I know that God does not appreciate my feeling that I am superior to others. This causes me deep shame. I don't know how I'm going to work on this, but I'll find a way.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
dhyana-the group
It wasn't a group tonight. Just me. I lit the Advent wreath and altar candles, and plugged in the sanctuary Christmas tree that was still up. I did the Smiling Buddha kriya for the first 11 minutes (Sa-Ta-Na-Ma) and then just sat and listened to the silence in my body. You know, bodies aren't really that quiet. You can hear the heart beating, the occasional gurgle and, in my case, the ears ringing.
It was sweet. And went by very fast.
Last week I told the others that I would no longer do a guided meditation. I will just unlock the church at 7 and sit. They can come anytime between 7 and 7:25 and let themselves in. I'll lock the door when I leave and they can let themselves out.
I'm going to like this even more without having the prepare a meditation.
It was sweet. And went by very fast.
Last week I told the others that I would no longer do a guided meditation. I will just unlock the church at 7 and sit. They can come anytime between 7 and 7:25 and let themselves in. I'll lock the door when I leave and they can let themselves out.
I'm going to like this even more without having the prepare a meditation.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
New Year, New Kriya
Happy 2011! It'll be a great year, I'm sure. I liked 2010, though. I really didn't have any major complaints.
I've taken on a meditation mentor to bounce ideas off of, and to give me ideas for meditation strategies. She is my kundalini teacher. I only get to see her a few times a year, as her class is during the day when I'm working. The studio has three other teachers who actually lead meditation sits, but something pulled me to this teacher instead. We have one of those funny, unspoken spiritual connections.
So she's give me the Smiling Buddha Kriya to do for the next 40 days. To cultivate Christ Consciousness. You sit in easy pose, hold your hands up at 30 degree angles, bend down your ring and pinky fingers, holding them with your thumb. You then inhale Sa-Ta-Na-Ma and exhale Sa-Ta-Na-Ma. 11 minutes. The meanings are infinity, life, death and rebirth. It is said that Jesus practiced this meditation. I don't know how that would be verifiable, but it adds meaning to me.
Think about it. Who other than Jesus would truly understand this life cycle? Jesus is the only person who actually experienced this in its' entirety. And if he did this while on earth, it would have been a constant reminder of his mission here.
So my primary goal this year is to meditate and do some asana 365 days in a row. My mentor also gave me a 15 minute morning set to do, so this is definitely something that can be in my schedule. I just need to be sure I keep it up on weekends and breaks!
All that said, I must add that this 15 minute set has some killer moments! I mean, do we really need to pull the root lock THAT many times? And on the exhale? I'll see if I can find it online and link to it. The worst part is the shoulder stand bit. You hold shoulder stand for 3 minutes, which isn't a problem, but you pull the root lock on the exhale, and kick your legs at the same time. I get quite out of breath doing that upside-down.
I've taken on a meditation mentor to bounce ideas off of, and to give me ideas for meditation strategies. She is my kundalini teacher. I only get to see her a few times a year, as her class is during the day when I'm working. The studio has three other teachers who actually lead meditation sits, but something pulled me to this teacher instead. We have one of those funny, unspoken spiritual connections.
So she's give me the Smiling Buddha Kriya to do for the next 40 days. To cultivate Christ Consciousness. You sit in easy pose, hold your hands up at 30 degree angles, bend down your ring and pinky fingers, holding them with your thumb. You then inhale Sa-Ta-Na-Ma and exhale Sa-Ta-Na-Ma. 11 minutes. The meanings are infinity, life, death and rebirth. It is said that Jesus practiced this meditation. I don't know how that would be verifiable, but it adds meaning to me.
Think about it. Who other than Jesus would truly understand this life cycle? Jesus is the only person who actually experienced this in its' entirety. And if he did this while on earth, it would have been a constant reminder of his mission here.
So my primary goal this year is to meditate and do some asana 365 days in a row. My mentor also gave me a 15 minute morning set to do, so this is definitely something that can be in my schedule. I just need to be sure I keep it up on weekends and breaks!
All that said, I must add that this 15 minute set has some killer moments! I mean, do we really need to pull the root lock THAT many times? And on the exhale? I'll see if I can find it online and link to it. The worst part is the shoulder stand bit. You hold shoulder stand for 3 minutes, which isn't a problem, but you pull the root lock on the exhale, and kick your legs at the same time. I get quite out of breath doing that upside-down.
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