niyamas-sauca

As I deepen my spiritual practice through meditation, I find myself less pure about it. At times I'm struck by a deep guilt about the pride I take in my practice.

I can't say that the pride I feel is not so much when I'm actually doing meditation or asana. It comes about when I am with others in worship. As I sit in our Sunday morning worship service, I find myself casting judgments on those around me. I question their motives for sharing their joys and concerns during the congregational prayer times. As they mention their concerns out loud, I find myself doubting their sincerity...assuming that they are just speaking out loud to let others know that they are "in the know" about something. Or that they are just wanting attention.

I fully realize that this is probably not the case most of the time. But I find myself sitting there smugly, thinking about how I take my own concerns to God in private. "In my closet," so to speak. My husband and I rarely bring our private concerns to the congregation.

I know that this is not an attractive thing to do. I know that God does not appreciate my feeling that I am superior to others. This causes me deep shame. I don't know how I'm going to work on this, but I'll find a way.

sauca

Probably one of my favorite books is "Meditations from the Mat" by Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison. My Yogabuddy introduced me to this book on our first "date" together. We were just beginning our friendship and had gone on a hike at a nearby recreation area. I'd asked her to talk to me about the 8-Limbed Path and she brought this book. I fell in love with it right off the bat. (and I might add I fell in love with her that day, as well. I am so grateful for this friendship in my life.)

Today I read Day 64 (Sometimes I read several days' readings and other days I skip or read one. It doesn't matter). Gates was talking about sauca. He mentioned that sauca is "the moment on our path when we begin to take the maintenance of our physical condition seriously." He talks about how, when he began his spiritual practice, he started to admire people who treated their bodies well.

Here is the quote I like the best: "Our body is the home of our spirit. It is the means by which we enact our beliefs. Therefore, the maintenance of the body is a spiritual duty, an act of love not only toward ourselves but toward all humanity." 

This really hits home to me. I've taken better and better care of my body since I entered (and I believe now have exited) menopause. And my journey along the yogic path began during that time as well. I've gradually done things to improve the way I treat my body:

• I've gradually decreased medications
• I've become vegetarian
• I've gone toward more natural products for my body and hair and now even for the maintenance of our clothing and home.
• I pay more attention to what my body is telling me when I'm hungry or tired or upset or need activity.

I think all of these things have worked together to make me physically healthier, but also I can sense a greater spiritual health as well.

niyamas: sauca

There are five parts of the niyamas, or "personal observances." 


Sauca is for purity. Personal cleanliness. Not just outside (taking care of the body) but also there is an inward aspect. Purity of mind. Purity of the mind is even more important than physical cleansing of the body. It "is the cleansing of the mind of its disturbing emotions like hatred, passion, anger, lust, greed, delusion and pride."


I find that asana and dhyana both help me with sauca. My personal pride is on the line when doing asana as I encounter difficulty with certain postures. While I am more advance and more flexible than many of my fellow yogis (at least in the classes I take regularly), no one really cares if I fall out of a posture or do more accommodations for my body on some days. But I care. My pride is much too big. Inside my head I beat myself up when I struggle on the mat. 


I struggle often with hatred, anger, lust (not sexual lust, but the lust for things or relationships I don't have), and greed (not monetary greed so much, but greed for things I don't have). In dhyana I can bring those issues to my God and lay them out. In dhyana I wait for God's acknowledgement and compassion. And in dhyana I cleanse myself through confession.