Several months ago my best friend and I broke. It was angry and hurtful and full of apologies and declarations of love for each other.
We are still broken and, now that I am more removed, I see that we will most likely not be unbroken.
She was the person I played with. We shared the same hobbies. Hobbies I've not shared with any other friend. That makes it all the more painful. I don't want to take out my camera because it makes me think of her. Hiking? Think of her. Cooking? Think of her. And worse yet...YOGA...think of her. Yoga was what brought us together.
And so now I go about my daily life, my weekly life, doing all of these things alone. As time passes I find the pain lessening a bit. But there are still flashes of anger and resentment. I think, though, that most of that anger is pointed to myself for allowing myself to be so deeply invested in her friendship.
I have a wonderful spouse. But part of what makes us work is that we are not alike. That we each have our own interests. But that doesn't mean I like to pursue these hobbies on my own.
I've done a lot of soul-searching these past months. Realizing where I erred in that friendship and hoping I can overcome the parts of me that may cause me to do that again in another friendship down the road. I see how that relationship taught me lessons I needed to earn. I see that God brought us together and saw us break apart with the purpose of teaching us valuable life lessons.
Now I'm just wondering how long I will need to be going on alone.