satya & asteya

"commitment to truth"
"nonstealing"

You never know when something is going to hit you out of the blue. But when it does, the 8-Limb path can help you decide immediately how to handle it.

I arrived at work on Monday to begin the new school year. I found out a coworker, who generally works the same days I do, had reported back the PREVIOUS Monday.

I asked her about it. "We report back two weeks before the teachers," she said. "I just figured you had worked something else out with [the Principal]."

hmmm....I've always come back two weeks before school. I look back on the previous three falls and I can see now that I've essentially ripped off the school district by five days each school year. YIKES!

I've talked to a few of my coworkers. Each of them said, "Forget about it, you work hard enough." And that is true. I do have a very strong work ethic. I don't fool around and I work as long as it takes to get stuff done. It's a demanding job. I even mentioned this to my close friend and school board representative. "Forget about it" was also his response.

But I can't. I mentioned working the five the furlough days we've been assigned this coming year. I'm told I can't work those. They want the building closed up those days.

I'll figure out how to make these days up. I really don't think I can do much about the previous years, but I'll figure out how to do the 40 hours I work. It will ride on my conscience until I do.

But my other conundrum is that  I have not mentioned this to my Principal. We don't have a very good relationship anymore. And I don't really respect her as a manager.

So I'm going to sit on this for a bit and see what comes to me about it.

yamas: satya

"commitment to truthfulness"

The throat chakra, the 5th chakra, where "one's inner truth is expressed."

This has come up in my meditation the past few days. Earlier this week I began to feel a strong pull to offer silent meditation and prayer at our church. I decided to speak with our pastor about it, and I mapped out four weeks of meetings. I told her what I thought I would do and then said that I would not want to start this until my 40-day personal meditation was over. I want to absolutely certain that this is something I am called to do. I (and my pastor) have serious doubts that our church is ready to take on an hour-long meditation meeting each week. And I want to be sure of my own commitment. We agreed to pencil it in for the Thursday after Labor Day.

But now what I'm experiencing are feelings that I may be an impostor. I emailed my girlfriend and said:

"As I did my kriya this morning, and I kept YANKING my mind back where it had floated off to, I found myself saying "I'll tell people all these things they can do to try to quiet their mind...to try to wait for that small voice of God to speak to me...to hear that whisper of His love...and I myself can't do it for a millisecond. Who am I to try to help people to do what I myself am incapable of doing?"

Remember that story of Jesus in Gethsemane? He went off to pray and a few of the disciples said they would stay with him. But they kept falling asleep. That popped into my head this morning.

Mark 14:37-41 (New International Version)

 37Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Simon," he said to Peter, "are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? 38Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

 39Once more he went away and prayed the same thing. 40When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. They did not know what to say to him.

 41Returning the third time, he said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Enough! The hour has come. Look, the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners.'"

We'll have to see how this whole thing evolves. At Wednesday night's class, she invited anyone interested to stay after class tomorrow morning for a 30 minute meditation. I think she'll lead it, but she has mentioned me doing it.