Today I went to an energy awareness workshop at a small private studio not far from where I live. There were about a dozen of us there, and we talked about universal energy, energy healing, sensing energy in others, and a little bit about the energy we ourselves put out.
I went because I've felt dry. Closed up. As a Reiki II practitioner, I have been given the means by which to be a conduit of God's healing energy. But I rarely use it. I rarely feel "permission" to. And I rarely feel that I receive it from others.
I told a couple of people in my small group that I keep my energy and emotions tightly closed up most of the time. It protects me from the "stuff" that flows around my office and the people I meet. But I also find that I'm turning inward more and more as I meditation more and more. I'm living inside my head most of the time. Spending time with myself most of the time.
This has been good for me, because in the past I have relied too much on others to gain my own sense of self. To feel loved and protected. But now I wonder if I've swung too far the other way.
I think I need to start figuring out a way to allow love to flow out from me to others, and for it to flow from others to me, but then also to keep it at a reasonable, balanced level.