tapas

Personal observances. Care of the body, disciplined use of our energy. Tapas is part of the Niyamas, the second limb. It involves caring for our physical body...keeping it fit...feeding it well.

I've always thought of myself as being a good steward of my body. Hmmm...maybe that's stretching it. Better to say I've thought that of myself since after I had my second baby (was that really 16 years ago?). I dropped the baby fat, exercised more, paid attention to my diet. And then a year-and-a-half ago I became vegetarian. And now I'm starting to think more about the kinds of foods that heat and cool my body. I've felt that I have a vata dosha. I need warming and oily comfort in food and skin. Since I figured that out last fall, I found this past winter, when I concentrated on staying physically warm, I felt better than I normally have at that time of year.

I started acupuncture three weeks ago to see if I could alleviate some sciatic and IT band pain on my left side. I've also been battling bursitis in my left shoulder this winter and I thought it might help with those issues. I didn't count on it also becoming a study in my digestive system, which has always been a little fast. Very soft, frequent stools have been part of my life for years and periodic upsets have been the bane of my existence. My acupuncturist zeroed in on this right away and has been working on my colon and energy level along with the pain issues.

Everything really got a lot better after the first treatment and then I had a major setback this week after eating large salads for lunch two days. And so today she counseled me to cut back on raw foods. To use salads as sides, not the main event, and to have some hot or warm food with each meal. Instinctively I can tell this is will be right action.

I'm looking forward to better and better health!

niyamas-sauca

As I deepen my spiritual practice through meditation, I find myself less pure about it. At times I'm struck by a deep guilt about the pride I take in my practice.

I can't say that the pride I feel is not so much when I'm actually doing meditation or asana. It comes about when I am with others in worship. As I sit in our Sunday morning worship service, I find myself casting judgments on those around me. I question their motives for sharing their joys and concerns during the congregational prayer times. As they mention their concerns out loud, I find myself doubting their sincerity...assuming that they are just speaking out loud to let others know that they are "in the know" about something. Or that they are just wanting attention.

I fully realize that this is probably not the case most of the time. But I find myself sitting there smugly, thinking about how I take my own concerns to God in private. "In my closet," so to speak. My husband and I rarely bring our private concerns to the congregation.

I know that this is not an attractive thing to do. I know that God does not appreciate my feeling that I am superior to others. This causes me deep shame. I don't know how I'm going to work on this, but I'll find a way.

niymas: tapas

Self-discipline. Caring for the body. Heating it and cleansing it in preparation for meeting the divine. Monitoring the posture, paying attention to breathing, watching what we eat. All contribute to the body's health.

I love this one. I struggle periodically with eating. Not a lot. Just every once in a while my body will crave something. Last night it was meat and french fries. I ended up having fish and chips at a local restaurant. I came out of there stuffed and satisfied. This morning my fingers are a little swollen from the salt, but I can tell my body is not upset with me at all for the rest of it. I must have needed it.

My yogabuddy and I went to an asana practice last night that had a drummer. The class was crazy, with lots of imaginative things thrown into the vinyasa sequences... a random arm balance, a sudden dance. It was crazy cool and we all sweated up a storm. It was a good, cleansing practice. Much like spending time in a sauna. But I think even more satisfying because we were moving and not just sitting around.

During svasana I ran a little Reiki. I've been doing that more during svasana and meditation. As a Reiki II, it's good practice for me and it helps charge and also relax my body. As the class ended, the instructor commented about the strong energy in the room. As my yogabuddy and I talked during our supper, she told me that it turned out most of us were Reiki practitioners and all of us were running Reiki during svasana. Amazing!

niyamas: santosa

Contentment. Should we have to work on this? I do. Right now I'm quite discontent with my body. It hurts. There are aches and pains and stiffnesses that keep me from enjoying my asana practice or other things I like to do. I am forced to do each thing I enjoy with less vigor and for shorter periods of time.

And sometimes my discontent bubbles up and boils over and I snap. The other night I was leading a short 20-minute asana sequence of stretches for my Centering Prayer group. Two of the ladies are obese and were struggling. And to cover their embarrassment, they made snarky comments about those of who were smaller and more flexible. I snapped. Told them we all bring our own "stuff" to the mat. Some of us, I said, who may be smaller are also in a lot of pain right now. "This is the equalizer," I said.

I was ashamed with  myself for saying that.

Yesterday morning I went to a gentle yoga I class. Afterwards the teacher came up to me, thanked me for coming, and then made point to mention that the class was intended to be easy and gentle. His implication (I felt) was that it may have been easier than what I bargained for. I told him I came for that purpose. That my body needed a gentler practice.

But boy did that annoy me. I know why he said what he did.  He's a very loving person. I was annoyed because I needed his class!

This morning in our kundalini class we were doing a kriya and the teacher said, "Sometimes this kriya can bring stuff up." Well, it sure did. I was angry for most of the kriya. Angry with my body. Discontent.

This episode of pain and discomfort is slowing me down. And really messing with my contentment. It's taking over my thoughts and movements and I'm not enjoying the moments as I should.

And yet, as I name this, as I see what's happening, I'm starting to feel better physically. Go figure.

niyamas: sauca

There are five parts of the niyamas, or "personal observances." 


Sauca is for purity. Personal cleanliness. Not just outside (taking care of the body) but also there is an inward aspect. Purity of mind. Purity of the mind is even more important than physical cleansing of the body. It "is the cleansing of the mind of its disturbing emotions like hatred, passion, anger, lust, greed, delusion and pride."


I find that asana and dhyana both help me with sauca. My personal pride is on the line when doing asana as I encounter difficulty with certain postures. While I am more advance and more flexible than many of my fellow yogis (at least in the classes I take regularly), no one really cares if I fall out of a posture or do more accommodations for my body on some days. But I care. My pride is much too big. Inside my head I beat myself up when I struggle on the mat. 


I struggle often with hatred, anger, lust (not sexual lust, but the lust for things or relationships I don't have), and greed (not monetary greed so much, but greed for things I don't have). In dhyana I can bring those issues to my God and lay them out. In dhyana I wait for God's acknowledgement and compassion. And in dhyana I cleanse myself through confession.