Friday, July 9, 2010

yamas: satya

"commitment to truthfulness"

The throat chakra, the 5th chakra, where "one's inner truth is expressed."

This has come up in my meditation the past few days. Earlier this week I began to feel a strong pull to offer silent meditation and prayer at our church. I decided to speak with our pastor about it, and I mapped out four weeks of meetings. I told her what I thought I would do and then said that I would not want to start this until my 40-day personal meditation was over. I want to absolutely certain that this is something I am called to do. I (and my pastor) have serious doubts that our church is ready to take on an hour-long meditation meeting each week. And I want to be sure of my own commitment. We agreed to pencil it in for the Thursday after Labor Day.

But now what I'm experiencing are feelings that I may be an impostor. I emailed my girlfriend and said:

"As I did my kriya this morning, and I kept YANKING my mind back where it had floated off to, I found myself saying "I'll tell people all these things they can do to try to quiet their try to wait for that small voice of God to speak to hear that whisper of His love...and I myself can't do it for a millisecond. Who am I to try to help people to do what I myself am incapable of doing?"

Remember that story of Jesus in Gethsemane? He went off to pray and a few of the disciples said they would stay with him. But they kept falling asleep. That popped into my head this morning.

Mark 14:37-41 (New International Version)

 37Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Simon," he said to Peter, "are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? 38Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

 39Once more he went away and prayed the same thing. 40When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. They did not know what to say to him.

 41Returning the third time, he said to them, "Are you still sleeping and resting? Enough! The hour has come. Look, the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners.'"

We'll have to see how this whole thing evolves. At Wednesday night's class, she invited anyone interested to stay after class tomorrow morning for a 30 minute meditation. I think she'll lead it, but she has mentioned me doing it.

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